How To: Drink Like a Teenager (In Your 20s)

Remember the days when acquiring alcohol took more time than drinking it? This is the guide for when you need to revive your underage drinking days for a night, whether for a theme party or simply for old time’s sake.

Talk Like a Teen: Alcohol Slang

1. Buying Up. Buying alcohol, usually from a corner store.

2. Drank, fade, perk, booze, juice. Alcohol.

3. Faded, thrown, plastered, wasted, trashed, smashed, hammered, bent. Drunk.

4. Yack. Vomit.

Acquiring Alcohol

Most teenage drinking occurs in houses, parties, and in public spaces like the park or the beach. Teenagers are concerned mostly with buying alcohol, not necessarily with hanging out at bars.

1. Shoulder Tapping. A popular technique, especially with teenagers with older siblings and friends, however, shoulder tapping is not always the most convenient method when your sister isn’t picking up your phone calls.

2. Fake IDs. Costly, but worth the investment for some, fake IDs supply the beholder with almost unlimited alcohol access except at venues like concert halls, where fakes usually don’t work. Instead of purchasing a fake, some teenagers are luckily bestowed with old real IDs from older siblings or friends whom they resemble.

3. Beards. If you can, grow a beard, your chances of being carded will be significantly reduced.

Teen Drinks

Teenagers keep it simple. No-frills drinks are their forte–pretty much anything they can get their hands on. The quicker you consume your drink, the more teenage your experience will be.

1. “The Champagne of Beer.” 40s are the universal staple of the teen drinking world because of their versatility and their economic value. You can drink a 40 in the park on a sunny afternoon chilling with your friends, or you can bring it to a late-night house party. 40s are excellent for drinking games such as Edward 40-hands, beer pong, or 40 Olympics. Because they are easy to drink and cheap ($2.25, out the door!), 40s are the quintessential teenage beverage. Tip: to make the popular teenage concoction, Sidewalk Slammer, drink half of your 40, then pour in Sparks to the brim.

2. 4 Loko. A relatively new caffeinated malted liquor that is imbibed solely by teenagers and the homeless, 4 Loko provides energy and belligerence for the consumer. 4 Loko gets you drunk very quickly, and comes in appealing flavors such as Watermelon, Cranberry Lemonade, and Blue Raspberry,. Just remember, 4 Loko really does make you go Loko–don’t be surprised the next morning to find numerous embarrassing texts on your phone.

3. Two Part Mixed Drinks. Rum and Coke. Vodka and cranberry juice. Gin and tonic. Still unsure of what to order at a bar or how to mix a drink, teenagers like to drink simply, usually mixing whatever alcohol with whatever soda or fruit juice is in the fridge. At the bar, teenagers like to order basic drinks to avoid any suspicion from the bartender.

Originally posted on Friday, February 25th, 2011

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