Table for Two: Romancing the Turkey

It’s almost Thanksgiving! You know what that means: a break from school, shopping the sales at 3 AM, and…romance? Well, traditionally eating so much turkey that you have to undo the top button on your jeans isn’t the best way to attract your mate, but relax. Here are a few simple steps to ensure that you have a romantic Thanksgiving with your current flame.

With the Family:
If you introduce him/her to your family for the first time, make sure he brings something for mom AND dad. Even if your parents swear it isn’t necessary, and if he loves you, they will love him, they are lying. They need to be wooed. He can’t leave one of them out, that just isn’t cool. If he brings flowers, bring them in a vase. No one wants to go schlepping to the kitchen to find a vase when they would rather be grilling him about his dental history and if he has ever been convicted of a violent crime.

Offer to help, but don’t push. Some people like help in the kitchen, and some people don’t. Sitting on your butt eating peanuts without offering to chop onions is rude, but so is inadvertently ruining the salad by adding walnuts when Great Aunt Hilda is allergic to them. If his or her mom doesn’t want your help in the kitchen, ask if you can set the table, rake leaves out front, or ready the guest bathroom. If you keep being politely shooed to the living room, finally just accept it and go sit down. Don’t push.

Make something edible. The way to ANYONE’S heart is through his or her stomach, and there is nothing sweeter, more attractive, or just plain sexy than someone who knows his or her way around a kitchen. As simple as artichoke dip, as complex as homemade apple pie, do what you have to do to put your own stamp on the meal…and try to grab a secret second to let your amour lick a taste off you spoon…or your fingers…

Eat what you want. This isn’t the time to be on a diet. Chances are that this is food you only see once a year, and let yourself have a piece of pie and a scoop of mashed sweet potatoes. One piece of pie. One scoop of mashed sweet potatoes. The goal is to feel satisfied, not to feel as stuffed as the turkey. Just in case while all the adults nap after dinner, you and your significant other decide to make out in the basement for the first time since you were 13 years old.

If You Two Are on Your Own:
Well, this is easier. No parents, no fuss. Just don’t worry. That’s the main thing. Don’t want to roast a whole turkey? Great – get a boneless one, breasts or even turkey burgers that you serve on artisan brioche rolls with fancy cranberry sauce. Jazz up the meal with a holiday-inspired cocktail, bring out a sweater that is cozy but seductive, and let him help you prepare dessert. Whipping cream together with vanilla and bourbon is a great way to make the meal and the after party very tasty.

If You Don’t Have a Significant Other
Order in Chinese, rent Mean Girls, open a bottle of champagne, and thank your lucky stars that all you have to do this Thanksgiving is what you want to do. Sometimes, the best date is yourself.

Sarah Spigelman is a graduate of the University of Arizona. These days, she lives in NYC, where she writes the food blog Fritos and Foie Gras and is living proof that you can still eat pizza at 2 am, even after you graduate.

Originally posted on Tuesday, November 15th, 2011

2 Responses to “Table for Two: Romancing the Turkey”

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