Oral Fixations: Men Should Cook

Things that keep me up at night: the world’s best chefs are men, but I don’t know a single man who cooks.

Well, maybe a few. But not enough. Most guys are what my roommates and I call “Toast People.” They live off toast, because they don’t know how to make anything else. Or they subsist on things out of boxes, or takeout, or fast food, or the occasional restaurant meal.

Does it worry anyone else?

In general, Americans have lost sight of what it means to eat a real meal. We’ve eschewed whole foods and pure ingredients for convenience and flavor. We are too busy and too driven to take the time to prepare a bit of nourishment. And it’s starting to show – we’re sicker, we’re fatter, we’re depressed. And when we can no longer appreciate life’s simple pleasures, like a bite of bruschetta or ripe fruit, this lack of hedonism works its way into other parts of life. You catch my drift?

I’ve tried to understand the male psyche on this one, but really it’s just the psyche of our generation. It seems that we’ve just never really had to cook. Growing up, our moms just put food on the table. It was there, it tasted fine, so we ate it and didn’t question it. And we were busy then too, with homework and extracurriculars and friends. No time for such a basic task! We had more important metaphorical fish to fry! Now, in college, the dining hall provides for us. There isn’t a pressing need to fend for ourselves.

In the case of men especially, food preparation is simply too delicate a task. It requires too much patience. It requires a bit of knowledge, some curiosity, and some room for error. Maybe men don’t want to be caught lacking full confidence. The kitchen is a foreign place, full of shiny tools that they are ashamed to admit they know little about.

They also don’t want to be caught gushing over something as graceful and delicious as a macaron. It just isn’t manly.

I’m here to change that. Or, at least I’m going to try with these two easy-to-follow and totally manly lists of advice.

**5 Reasons Why Men Should Cook**

1. No one likes a manbaby. The anti-manbaby is a man who can feed himself with good, wholesome food.

2. Versatility is sexy. Being able to turn a few ingredients into a tasty meal is a sexy and impressive skill. Most girls will be more impressed by this than the ability to fix a carburetor.

3. A homemade meal can bring people together. Relationships between bros and love interests alike are strengthened through sharing food.

4. Cooking saves money! This leaves more funds for manly things like football games and new sneakers.

5. It’s something to brag about. ‘Nuff said.

**How To Get Men to Cook**

1. Mark Bittman. Simple recipes, good writing, humor, and just a tad of manly brawn.

2. Make it a date. Invite your man on a homemade dinner date. Bring him along to the grocery store, have him help you cook, and share an enjoyable meal.

3. Cooking is science. Present cooking like a science lab: if you can simply follow the steps of a recipe, everything will work out just fine. It is that easy.

4. You’ll show him yours. If the situation is really dire, you might need to work out some sort of bribery system. “If you cook dinner tonight, I’ll ___ your ___.” Or something.

5. Television. Watch your some foodie shows together. Guy Fieri might peeve you, but he’s just the sort of grown-up frat bro who would appeal to your man.

Cherry on Top is SKC’s resident sex-food expert. Her favorite foods are chocolate, strawberries, and Indian food. She likes her men to be beautiful awkward weirdos, but isn’t too picky.

Originally posted on Thursday, March 15th, 2012

2 Responses to “Oral Fixations: Men Should Cook”

  1. Kelsey Krasnigor

    March 15th, 2012

    Seriously this article is AMAZING and so true (especially about how many male chefs there are out there). Preach sista.

  2. Leon Meadors

    March 15th, 2012

    There are PLENTY of single (and committed) men out there that know their way around the kitchen. Maybe I’m just being sensitive to the issue, but I tire of the “bumbling neanderthal in the kitchen” stereotype men get. But overall, I like the sentiment of this article. If you DON’T have a man who cooks, some of these tactics will get something going, hopefully.

    But yeah. Find some more male friends that know their way around a kitchen. That is all I ask.

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