It’s true what they say: you are what you eat. Our diets have an incredible impact on every aspect of our lives. Lots of fresh fruits and vegetables make us feel like energetic little kids, radiating positivity and eagerness for life. We develop a glow and look extra svelte. Too many sweets provide a brief thrill, but result in exhaustion, breakouts, and too much jiggle.
But what about our sex lives? Kids, the time has come for the title of this column to get the reverence it deserves. Oral sex. Woohoo!
Oral is just the best. It’s an art that requires a certain amount of dexterity and enthusiasm, but the effort is well worth it. I don’t need to tell you that it feels like heaven. In fact, my roommates and I often debate whether we’d rather give up dessert or oral sex. Sometimes, however, too much dessert can backfire. Your nether regions aren’t exempt from the effects of delicious gluttony. The same goes for other toxins like cigarettes, alcohol, and drugs. The foods you ingest can leave lasting effects that your partner may be able to detect.
I guess you could just keep eating crap, taste like crap, and assume that your partner will keep lovin’ you unconditionally… but that’s just not fair. To keep the experience pleasant for all parties involved, you have to strive for health. Good sex is a holistic experience for the body. Keep the good vibrations coming (wink wink, nudge nudge) with some tips for being tasty. And if you’re not into oral experiences, these tips also apply to kissing!
**7 Best Tips and Tricks for Being Delicious**
1. Be crunchy. Crunchy granola, that is. Empirical evidence suggests that vegetarians and vegans taste best. In fact, OKCupid data indicates that veggie-vores enjoy oral sex more than meat eaters. If you can eat organic, even better!
2. Fluids Stay hydrated! 6-8 cups of water daily. This helps to flush your system of gross-tasting toxins.
3. Eat your fruits! Kiwi, strawberry, and pineapple tend to make you taste sweeter.
4. …and your veggies! Green vegetables are best for your whole body. Think broccoli, kale, collard greens, zucchini, leafy lettuces, and celery. However, asparagus not only makes your pee smell weird, it also makes you taste weird. It’s too fantastic to avoid it entirely, but perhaps leave it out of date night.
5. Limit your vices. Alcohol, cigarettes, drugs, caffeine, and processed foods can impact your flavor. Enjoy when you must, but do so in moderation.
6. Spice is not so nice. Did you know that there is a direct connection between strong flavors you eat and your sex organs? This is especially true for women. Avoid garlic, onion, and spicy foods if you know you’re gonna be gettin’ some in the near future. You reek what you eat.
7. The whole package. How you taste is an indicator of your overall health. Get enough sleep, exercise at least three days a week, and take time to relax! And if something tastes really off, it may be time to see a doctor.
Cherry on Top is SKC’s resident sex-food expert. Her favorite foods are chocolate, strawberries, and Indian food. She likes her men to be beautiful awkward weirdos, but isn’t too picky.