Oral Fixations: The Morning-After Breakfast

I like slumber parties. The girly kinds with movie marathons and fruity cocktails are fun, but I much prefer the kind with a romantic interest. After a long night out on a date and then in bed, it’s nice to simply pass out with your lady or manfriend du jour. Plus, you get to be goopy and cuddle all night long. Who doesn’t love a good cuddle? And there’s always the possibility of morning sex, if you’re lucky.

But after morning sex, both parties might be hungry. Ravenous, in fact. Then what?

Breakfast protocol depends on a variety of factors. Do you like the person? Do you love the person? Was it a first date? Did they snore and hog the bed all night? Was the hookup awkward? Are you hungover? Did you puke in their trashcan last night? Are you trying to forget the whole evening ever happened? Fear not, food-loving sex fiends. I’m here to guide you.

**Morning-After Scenarios and Protocol**

1. One-night stand. Possibly drunken. Provide coffee if you enjoyed yourself and you’re not too hungover. Otherwise, don’t fret about the situation. If it was a bad night, fake sleep until they leave.

2. Date night, but before you really know each other. Want to get to know this person and see their face for a little while longer in broad daylight? Cook ‘em a lil’ something. A simple piece of toast goes a long way.

3. Date night, but you’re into this person. Take them out for a bite! Nothing fancy – the local diner will suffice, but it’s a nice way to subtly announce your impending couplehood.

4. You’ve been dating forever; your partner’s snoring has become your lullaby. It’s easy to fall into an easy morning routine, but once a week go the extra mile and cook something together, or bring your partner breakfast in bed.

**Tips and Tricks**

1. Always have some breakfast basics on hand. Coffee is crucial. Make sure you keep around a bread product, appropriate condiments, cereal, and milk. Bonus points for fruit!

2. If you’ve decided to cook, time is of the essence. You want there to be an element of surprise, a little bit of mystery. Work fast! And you presumably don’t have all day to lounge around naked eating omelets.

3. Keep your kitchen clean. There’s nothing less sexy than rolling out of bed to discover your would-be love interest has a kitchen full of cockroaches and moldy bread. Keep your kitchen clean for yourself, and for your bedmate.

4. Know what you have on hand, and what you can make with it. Store a few simple recipes in the back of your mind so you can whip them out when necessary. The one below has been my jam recently: easy, simple, and somehow quite healthy!

Cherry on Top is SKC’s resident sex-food expert. Her favorite foods are chocolate, strawberries, and Indian food. She likes her men to be beautiful awkward weirdos, but isn’t too picky.


Oatmeal Pancakes
Adapted From Cheeky Chicago
Serves 2

2 cups rolled oats
2 cups non-dairy milk or water
1 banana
2 tablespoons maple syrup or agave nectar
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 teaspoon cinnamon
Coconut or vegetable oil

Place all ingredients in a blender or food processor, and blend until smooth.

Let stand for a few minutes until batter thickens. If the batter is too thick, add a little water.

Heat coconut or vegetable oil on a griddle or skillet on medium high heat. Pour batter by 1/4 cup into skillet and 2-3 minutes per side, or until bubbles start to appear around the edges.

Originally posted on Thursday, May 10th, 2012

One Response to “Oral Fixations: The Morning-After Breakfast”

  1. Vanessa

    May 16th, 2012

    this post was so apropos after my night last night! thanks for making me giggle.

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