Cherry on Top

Cherry on Top

Cherry On Top is a senior majoring in Business at a university in the South. She enjoys running, drinking too much beer, sex, yoga, and sarcasm. Her favorite foods are chocolate, strawberries, and Indian food. She likes her men to be beautiful awkward weirdos, but isn’t too picky. If she were an animal she would be a pelican.

Ideal Date Meal: A heavenly pasta dish. Garlic kisses are the best.

Signature Cocktail: Pimm’s Cup

Late-Night Indulgence: Cereal

Best Party Theme: Burlesque

Most Viable Hangover Cure: Lazy morning sex

 

Oral Fixations: Love Like Chocolate

truffles

They say chocolate is good for you. Dark chocolate, specifically. It keeps you from aging and it makes you feel like you’re chemically in love.

But love is not entirely like chocolate. You can’t purchase it; you cannot give it as a hostess gift. You cannot select the quality or the filling. Love is not always mild and sweet like a bar of milky Cadbury. And I wouldn’t want love to be like an intense 90% Lindt bar, so bitter and cruel to the tongue that it feels like a prescription. But chocolate is reliable. It is readily available. …

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Oral Fixations: The Morning-After Breakfast

egg sandwich

I like slumber parties. The girly kinds with movie marathons and fruity cocktails are fun, but I much prefer the kind with a romantic interest. After a long night out on a date and then in bed, it’s nice to simply pass out with your lady or manfriend du jour. Plus, you get to be goopy and cuddle all night long. Who doesn’t love a good cuddle? And there’s always the possibility of morning sex, if you’re lucky.

But after morning sex, both parties might be hungry. Ravenous, in fact. Then what?

Breakfast protocol depends on a variety of factors. …

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Oral Fixations: Eating to Taste Good

salad

It’s true what they say: you are what you eat. Our diets have an incredible impact on every aspect of our lives. Lots of fresh fruits and vegetables make us feel like energetic little kids, radiating positivity and eagerness for life. We develop a glow and look extra svelte. Too many sweets provide a brief thrill, but result in exhaustion, breakouts, and too much jiggle.

But what about our sex lives? Kids, the time has come for the title of this column to get the reverence it deserves. Oral sex. Woohoo!

Oral is just the best. It’s an …

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Oral Fixations: Awkward Eating Noises

strawberries

We’ve all been there: you come across an enticing food item, maybe a piece of perfectly ripe fruit, or a decadent chocolate dessert. You take a bite. You close your eyes in ecstasy. You allow the food to linger on your tongue, and then it happens. You feel it sneak up. You can’t hold it back.

You experience a foodgasm. You moan in delight, and quite frankly it sounds like you’re gettin’ it on.

Everyone around you is uncomfortable, but you’re experiencing too much bliss to notice! Can anything be done about this sudden outburst of tastebud pleasure? Should

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Oral Fixations: Body Image for Foodies

Just a casual Sunday night crêpe cake

Foodie life is rough, y’all. All we do is eat, cook, talk about food, and purchase food. It’s a life of intense hedonism, but someone’s gotta do it.

However, sometimes that hedonism takes over our self-control. We find ourselves eating five too many Nutella cinnamon pancakes and neglecting the yoga mats in the corner of our room. Our jeans get a bit tighter, but maybe we just left them in the dryer for too long? Besides, we’re too busy pursuing our passion to be concerned with portion control. Or so we tell ourselves.

Sometimes, however, our passion gets in the …

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Oral Fixations: Men Should Cook

heart spoons

Things that keep me up at night: the world’s best chefs are men, but I don’t know a single man who cooks.

Well, maybe a few. But not enough. Most guys are what my roommates and I call “Toast People.” They live off toast, because they don’t know how to make anything else. Or they subsist on things out of boxes, or takeout, or fast food, or the occasional restaurant meal.

Does it worry anyone else?

In general, Americans have lost sight of what it means to eat a real meal. We’ve eschewed whole foods and pure ingredients …

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Oral Fixations: Talk Foodie To Me

heart-shaped measuring spoons

ATTENTION! Here is how to get into any food-lover’s pants:

Last semester I became acquainted with a fascinating fellow. On our first date it became apparent that we didn’t have much in common aside from a love of animals and culturally insensitive jokes. However, we soon struck common ground with a worship of good vegetarian food. This was a wonderful discovery, because quite frankly I don’t trust people who cannot appreciate a delicious meal. I have a theory that there’s a certain element lacking in their soul. That is to say, they cannot comprehend any sort of passionate, spontaneous indulgence. …

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Oral Fixations: Dessert Helps

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Last Valentine’s day I had my first real boyfriend. Tall, dark, and handsome, with a certain childlike wonder in everything he did. A philosophy major on an ROTC scholarship, he was a man of character. Until he cheated on me a week before Valentine’s day.

Being the lovestruck idiot that I was, I decided to give the boy a second chance on February 14th. He’s not one for pomp or any sort of circumstance, so it was an even bigger surprise that he planned an “I’m Sorry” scavenger hunt that ended in my room. He stood near my bed, …

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